Waiting...

... never gets any easier.

No matter how many cycles we go through, this is always the hardest part.  It's that, "Our work is done and we're anxiously waiting for the results" portion of my cycle that always twists my insides around.

Based on temps, I'm 8dpo today.  O pains say 9dpo.  Either way, I won't be testing until at least the weekend.  Or, more likely, next Wednesday at 14dpo.  I just hate seeing BFNs.  So I figure the less I have to see, the better.  If I'm pregnant this cycle, I'll likely still be pregnant when I test at 14dpo, so why start early?

I thought I was all big and bad last cycle, testing out my trigger.  But I wasn't.  All it did was get my hopes so high.  That little trigger faded out nicely.  I waited patiently for it to come back.  And it didn't.  And we all saw what happened there (I'm still grateful I have amazing ladies in my life who helped to lift my spirits on through an awful couple days). 

It's just a waiting game at this point.  I go about my business.  I live my life.  I've never been one to change my habits simply because I'm TTC, so little changes for me during the 2WW....with the exception of the million "what-ifs" running through my head. 

I'm not feeling hopeful at the moment.  I've had enough brown yuck come through the progesterone to make me feel like we're out.  The brown spotting is something I've dealt with too many cycles and it has always foretold the end of a cycle.  I also had one day of red mixed in there.  It tapered off yesterday, but the bottom line is, spotting isn't a good thing.

Anyway.  I guess I just need the next week to fly by.  What will be, will be.  Right?