I think it's really hitting me that we're actually going to start TTC again. I know this is a good thing. I know it is. But it feels so overwhelming at the moment.
What if it takes us over a year to get pregnant again? What if we get pregnant quickly? What if I turn into that horrible bitter (Did I just dare to say the "b" word? I did... because it was true!) version of myself. I honestly lost pieces of myself along the TTC journey. It changed me in a way that's hard to describe. I started to get myself back after we finally got pregnant. I got to be me again.
I'm afraid to jump back down the rabbit hole. I don't want to lose myself in this process again. I think I know better now, but how can I be sure?
I guess it's a gamble. One with a big pay off. I think I'm just feeling that flutter of uncertainty before we jump fully back into the game.
I can't imagine what you are going through but I wish you the very best moving forward as you are now. You are in my thoughts :)
ReplyDelete((Hugs)) I know exactly what you mean by losing a piece of yourself. TTC is not all puppies and rainbows! I hope it happens quickly for you so that you don't have to join the Bitter Betty Club with me again. Loves ya sweets!
ReplyDeleteI'm with you. TTC sucks, and having to jump back in after you thought you were done is really hard. Best of luck to you as you move forward!
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