Today is a down IF day.
I hate the way there are days I can't seem to control my emotions. I hate not feeling like myself and unfortunately this is one of those days. It probably doesn't help I've been cramping all day but my stupid period refuses to show. It also doesn't help that the timing of this cycle is going to perfectly coincide with our mini-vacation over a long Easter weekend. I can still be monitored, but I'm pretty sure trigger and IUI would fall while we're gone. So, it may be just trigger (can you take syringes on a plane?) and banging it out the ol' fashioned way for us.
I just feel like my body is letting us down. My body is a big fat failure. H's numbers are always great. So, physically, I am the barrier. Logically, I know that this is just horrible luck, but sometimes it's hard to justify almost two years with nothing to show, knowing you're the reason why. I know there's no blame in the IF game, but sometimes it's hard not to place it squarely on my own shoulders.
Some days I don't even know how we can keep trudging forward. I know we have to. What choice do we have? But seriously, life is so unfair sometimes.
((Hugs)) I know SO feels the same way sometimes. I know that it will happen for the both of us!
ReplyDelete((Hugs)) Sun. I know exactly how you feel. I've been there too. I'm so sorry it's a bad IF day. <3
ReplyDelete((hugs)) Oh, yeah, I know EXACTLY what you're saying. I feel the same way all the time. My DH's numbers are spec-freaking-tacular, or at least good enough to get the job done. I hate my ovaries for making this so dang hard, and most days I feel 100% to blame. It's way too much weight to bear on one little set of shoulders. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you, and for now, I hope you can do something kind for yourself and feel better.
ReplyDeleteHaving that kind of day today too but I have made my mind up that I have to be over it by tomorrow and move forward, there is no other choice. Hope you are able to have an enjoyable mini-vacay!
ReplyDelete