April 2

Today is the day.  Today is our due date. 

In some regards it seems a lifetime ago we found out we were pregnant.  In other ways, it seems like only yesterday.  Although the likelihood of actually having a baby on your due date is slim, we could already be parents or be very close to meeting our little one.

It helps me to talk about this process.  I don't want to dwell on the negative, but I also don't want to pretend it didn't happen.  We were pregnant.  We did create a baby.  But, unfortunately, we had a miscarriage.  It is one of those horrible, unimaginable things that happens in life.  It will always be a part of me, but I can't let it be the only thing that defines me.  

I originally thought I wanted to be alone today (and it all likelihood drink myself into a stupor).  But, after giving it some thought, I'm going to a friend's for the afternoon.   She is the one person IRL I've talked to through this whole TTC journey.  She is an amazing friend and I know I don't have to hide my emotions around her.  Then, tonight H and I will pop a bottle of champagne and celebrate our little one privately.

Even though this is a tough day, I am reminded we have amazing people in our lives.  Yesterday, these arrived on our door step:

 

There's were sent to us by two very good IRL friends (who we have talked to openly since our loss).  I was honestly brought to tears by their thoughtfulness and generosity.  They are amazing people and we're lucky to have them in our lives.